Jessica Yaniv in Big Boy Court

Jessica Yaniv in big boy Court

Today, the Jessica Yaniv Simpson circus rolled into the Calgary courtrooms to square up to his unrequited lover, Donald Smith. All contents of this article came from Courtroom observations. Despite Ms Yanivs’s attempt to shut the public hearing down, we were there, watching, observing and rolling on the floor, pissing ourselves with laughter. We don’t have screenshots to publish because, unlike Ms Yaniv-Simpson, we understand the law and respect the court enough not to commit perjury.

Jessica Yaniv in big boy CourtIn all the posh fashion magazines, it is standard to have glossy photos of the subject set in their well-appointed luxury homes in the latest design of the day. But hey, who are we kidding? It is Jessica Yaniv Simpson, who lives in a pigloo. Farmyard chic, it is not. Unlike Jessica, we didn’t record or screenshot the hearing, so we relied on eyewitness testimony.


One thing we can say for sure is that the RCMP photo-fit staff are seriously underpaid for the material they have to work with.

In the end, our guys gave up despite several people’s descriptions, so we ended up going with the two that were the

Dangerous Criminal
Jessica Yaniv Criminal

most accurate.

To say that Jessica Yaniv Simpson looked terrible is an understatement. If there was a worldwide shortage of cooking fat, they could resolve it simply by cutting JYS hair. Even Ms Yaniv Simpson knows she has finally gone too far.

There is some disagreement among the observers on JY’s position in the Pigloo. Some think he was sitting on his dog pee-soaked sofa bed (the one Mrs Yaniv the 4th used) but has put on so much weight he is blocking more of it out than usual, and those of us who think he has put that much weight on that he had to sit on his dog piss encrusted floor. Either way, we know it was to hide the fact Miriam was with him on his other devices, creating fake users on Webex, including a sick one about Donald Smith’s grandmother. Yaniv is never that creative and returns to the same old perverted shit time and time again.

We wouldn’t usually comment on JY’s appearance in detail, but there was one other big boob of the entire show. Remember the chicken fillets at the Langley Council? Well, we have the sequel nobody wanted. Yaniv, in an awkward attempt to look female, had stuffed his bra with tampons or something else. Either way, the stuffing had moved, giving his “breasts” an extremely lopsided look. It made them look like a burst-ball sack. The fact that the full droopy one was on his south-eye side just added to the comedian look.

I will bow to a Meow Mix patron who may have coined an entirely new descriptive term for fashionistas everywhere: “It looked like the tent used for a cheap Las Vegas Wedding” I would certainly get on board with that.

Jessica Yaniv Simpson in Court

How did it go in the hearing, I hear you ask? Well, how did it go for Joan of Arc after they lit the tapers at the stake? At least Joan was an honest Christian. First thing – Yaniv is getting no leeway in Calgary. The Judge is a non-nonsense guy who repeatedly had to force Yaniv back to answering questions or even stopping Yaniv as he tried to introduce nonsense. Copy and paste isn’t going to work here. Yaniv games will not fly here either because I have spoken to Courts. So when Yaniv started his shit today, they had already been warned. Court records, Mr Yaniv, can’t be changed!

For the hour before the hearing, Yaniv created fake names to appear in the Webex online meeting room. Things like “Autistic Retard” and “Prostitute Alma Jean Robinson” amongst others. Yaniv had ensured everyone knew he was in the room with his idiotic name tag that had most of it in capitals. Yaniv seems to have forgotten we all know he has a second phone because he filmed himself calling Donald’s PO with it.  He also put whining chat messages out to EVERYONE that DSF is bad and isn’t allowed to contact poor wee Yaniv. You know the score, Yaniv, the predator that takes DARVO to a new level. When this didn’t work, Yaniv demanded that everyone be kicked out of the room. He then claimed that a Twitter account, “Ghost of Yanivs Dick”, had been tweeting about the case live (no such account exists), so everyone should be booted out. He then went for a Twitter account @mapleridgecrow, who Yaniv claims runs Meow Mix (despite the stupid fucker knowing my name and social media accounts) of encouraging others to attend the hearing and cause trouble!
We will finish with a final point that we have suggested before. Throughout the entire hearing, Jessica looked and appeared stoned, drunk or drugs. Not just the vacant, empty eyes but slurring words and blurting out the truth every now and then. But that isn’t the point. The point is we were very surprised when Ms Jessica Yaniv Simpson started referring to Mr Donald Smith as Mr Simpson! A Freudian slip, if there ever was one. What do you think? Were we right in our theory it was unrequited lust?

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25 Replies to “Jessica Yaniv in Big Boy Court”

  1. Trevor Dunen

    I used to watch a bloke in prison ring his girlfriend 100 times a day. he was in jail for stalking her. Jon reminds me of this bloke. As we all now know, after fat Jon propositioned all the handsome young fireman that lifted him out of the bath 32 times, this is the point that we all realised that our boy Jon was gay. Camp as a row of tents. he has an unrequited love in Donald, we all know that this started when Jon got hold of a video of Donald in jail, naked with his huge man-meat hanging down to his knees. Jon would have got a hard on but . . . in any case he started drooling and it’s all been downhill since then. Donald is not Gay, he’s not a bad looking bloke, but Jon had huge wedding plans etc etc. & Donald won’t play the game so Jon is going to stalk him into submission. Marry me Donald or I’ll file a 100 page response to your case he shouts, and the silly fucker did. As for his court rules & etiquette, well Jon is trans & a 3rd year law student in just 6 months, this means he can say whatever the fuck he wants & screw the judge, except that’s not going to work here, ho hum. Oh, what a tangled web we weave when at first we practice to deceive! Jon has classes so he can’t attend court, but the fat rat with no cat & no sack has taken others to court over 100 times & he found the time & he still lost them all. Now that Jon is banned from stalking Donald, he can spend a bit more time stalking me as I’m feeling rather unloved by Jon at the moment.

    Hell Yeah 20
    Fuck This Comment 2
    1. Anonymous

      Hands down, this is likely the truth.

  2. Jim Norton

    Brilliant recap, it is much appreciated!

    And bravo to the Albertan Judge……yeefuckinhaw, this is cowboy territory where there’s no time for yanivesque horseshittery!

    I loved to hear that jon was in a stupor like state. I’m going to make a leap in judgement here and say he’s having to be extra medicated because of his current domestic situation of having to live with mother (I’m sure that really cutting into his love life by not being able to bring home one of his many lovers) and that his pathetic world is crumbling.

    I would sadly assume there was no sign of the cat in the webcast? And what about Rexy?

    Hell Yeah 18
  3. nNANcy

    I hope this asshole manages to find himself on the end of a series of contempt or better still, a few perjury charges. Unfortunately, when he plays the trans card all the bad things happening to him magically go away and the special treatment starts being applied.
    “Ghost of Yaniv’s Dick” I’m going to piss myself laughing every time I think of that for the next week or so. Must be a mighty small ghost. Like thimble sized. Lol.

    Hell Yeah 13
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    1. Claude

      Yes, the „ghost of yaniv‘s dick“ is hilarious. The solution to pollution is dilution, so the trillion atoms of that ghost spread about the 93 billion light year universe should eliminate further harm!

  4. Njord

    Isnt it strange that the moment this stuff gets in front of a judge, the several sock accounts of Yaniv all shut up simultaneously.
    I mean sure some people might think that this is completely coincidental, but than again some people also think the earth is flat.

    Hell Yeah 12
  5. ActuallyHuman

    Boy, is Yaniv in BIG trouble. He thinks DFS is an incestous pervert whereas it is actually Yaniv. He is just like your typical lolcow, getting worse and worse as they go down the rabbit hole. He just exists so that people would get upset at him. He has no friends, girlfriend, job, education, or life and despite being an eunuch he still makes a blowjob himself. The only sexual encounters he has is with inanimate objects. Only time will tell when he pulls an Elliot Rodger, that is if he knows how to use a weapon properly.

  6. Vern Thurston

    Yaniv has no plausible deniability. He/She is representing them self therefore an Affidavit is needed to promise to tell the truth in Virtual Court. It is possible that a Civil Matter will transition into a Criminal Matter after Yaniv lies and burdens the Court with a lengthy soliloquy about how DFS is the Culprit. The Court wants facts not the Yaniv Musical “I am the Victim”. Nine courses? Sure, another potential lie, the times would conflict. Yaniv is attempting to project that he/she is smart. Smart enough to get an Affidavit witnessed before Court. Yaniv should order a new bolt of fabric from the Tent and Awning shop, wash the grease from the hair at the Car-wash, and look presentable for a Guilty Plea. The facts are clear and that is all the Court focuses on. My query is Rexy, did Rexy appear from the Pigloo? Poor dog.

    Hell Yeah 11
    1. Avatar photoMeow Mix Online

      No sign of Rexy but Yaniv was sitting on the floor gasping so there would be no room.

      Hell Yeah 12
      1. Vern Thurston

        Thank you for the update-Gasping? You would think a person would be composed for a Court Proceeding. Yaniv has no respect for the Court.

  7. Watcher

    Not totally sure what Donald is asking for in restitution in this case but I really hope the outcome is a payout for him with costs against fatso.
    Perhaps a financial penalty will teach him that this is “big boys court”, he’s got out of his depth, and that he can’t bullshit his way out taking responsibility for his revolting actions any more.

    Hell Yeah 11
    1. Avatar photoMeow Mix Online

      All Donald is asking for is to be left alone.

      Hell Yeah 14
      1. Watcher

        I suspect Yaniv has got so used to being able to do whatever the hell it wants to do that only penalties that hurt its pocket are going to force it to leave the warped delusional world they occupy and concentrate on behaving in an acceptable manner.

      2. Pumpkin

        A few months in a cell would be great! He did that to Donald. Jon is an obsessed stalker, does he swoon for Donald? I reckon so, is he jealous he has family, friends, a personality? Absolutely! Jon’s behaviour has escalated constantly, when will he completely flip & badly injure someone or worse? We know his toilet fancies, what if a young woman doesn’t want to discuss her periods with a man who has a weird fetish?

    2. Jaime

      I think Donald is asking for a restraining order.

      Hell Yeah 8
      Fuck This Comment 2
  8. Trevor Dunen

    If big Jon is so “terrified” of Donald then why is he fighting the restraining order? It works both ways, so if he just agreed to it, Donald could not come near him, the whole thing makes no sense. as for filing 100 pages in his response, we all know how that works, he goes off on a complete tangent without any proof & then he pleads precedents that have no bearing on the case & he will make the same point 30 times because he uses A.I. because he’s not legally competent himself to write it up.. We all saw what happened in the Kebob case, his A.I. filing asked Kebob to prove they were Muslim about fifty times & the judge took one look and tossed it in the bin.

    1. Nobody

      Big J is fighting it because court and harassing Donald is his only form entertainment and posting crap is the only way he feels accomplishment. The pathetic life being led is about to evaporate. He is scared that all targets that he directs anger towards will be legally out of his reach and will have significant repercussions of the court if he breaches. Imagine having all that self loathing and no one to vent on. Then add to that a roommate that sees how you are squandering money and controls your disposable income forcing you into a 500 square foot isolation. There are no more 1-2 hour Boston pizza lunches and mommy paying off the creditcard.

  9. TRBB

    All the fat has crossed his neovag barrier. So So much fat. Where is the dog? Where is the cat? Status updates please.

  10. N/A

    DFS should consider moving to an American boarder town so he can use Canada’s free healthcare and acquire a pistol alongside a conceal carry permit.

  11. Jaime

    I do laugh when the big man does complain about his so called disability.Were talking about someone who is maybe 6 foot and should weigh 180-200 pounds he weighs 600-640 pounds.The reason he has health issues is due to his weight nothing else nothing complex.

    Hell Yeah 5
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    1. Nobody

      I am in wonder that the first elective surgery big j chooses is “stink ditch surgery ” and not gastric bypass. A Better life was in reach and the choice to mutilate was more important than health. I remember the eve of the surgery he was pondering all the lawsuits he was going to file.

      1. Jaime

        The big man had this idea the surgery was going to change his life in terms of respect and cash.

        Hell Yeah 6
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  12. Jaime

    The big man has found God again.The last time he did was just before he faced more charges this week we could see ton of drama from the big man.

  13. Anon

    Breaking News: The pigloo has been invaded by the chinese respitory bioweapon once again. This is literally his 4th or 5th time with it – it looks serious.

  14. Femanon

    Someone really needs to update the Pretendian Wikipedia article to link to Jessica’s: 😉

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