This is the first part of a new regular article. Exploring the fictitious world of the Tena Pad Tribe and their most famous member.
We start this tale by going back to the late 181980’s, to the small native village of “WoundedImplant”.
A young girl called “PokesHerNoseIn”, sits next to the fire, where her Mother “TwoBreastsDraggin” works quietly on her beads to barter locally.
“TwoBreastsDraggin” came to Wounded Implant from the Far North, where she had hunted Polar Bear, Seals and whales. Her usual method of hunting was that she would mount her False Teeth to the end of her harpoon, thus ensuring a better kill rate.
Time spent handling & butchering whales prepared her well for Motherhood, although human her child exhibited many whale-like attributes, such as her size & seasonal blubber.
“Pokeshernosein” is not a popular local child as she is well known for spreading gossip & lies about her fellow members of the LangleyBigSmoke Reservation.
Alas, her Father “QueitlyDeadandBuried” disappeared as part of a Hunting Party many Summers back. Some wonder if it were his false reports to the Canadian Revenue Agency in “WounedWallet”; others suspect he just ran away and faked his death to put “TwoBreastsDraggin” & “PokesHerNoseIn” off his trail.“QuietlyDeadandBuried” had no sooner left the village that his Wife & Child had sold his Teepee and his rare bead collection, using the proceeds to invest in the Teepee Rental business.
“TwoBreastsDraggin” eventually became the Village Shamen. She possessed the 2 main qualities for the role, the first being that she required no make-up to create a wrinkled old crone, and the second spoke fluent gibberish.
As Shamen, her duties were varied and included shouting false reports about fires in the Village Teepees, annoying & physically abusing her fellow Village Elders, and lastly, stealing as much as she could carry from the Pale Face’s Hotels when she visited them.“TwoBreastsDraggin” & “PokesHerNoseIn” lead a relatively quiet life, and yes, they annoyed the other members of their Tribe, but on the whole were content.
Then, one day, “PokesHerNoseIn” discovered the Pale Faces Social Media Smoke Messages and posts. She spent so much time on social media that her nose grew, her hands became clawlike, and the smoke also affected her mind making her a very self-obsessed Squaw!