I swear we will run out of headlines and words to describe the absolute sideshow that is the Yaniverse. These two are clearly not on the same planet as the rest of us. Do they put drugs in the water in Canada? Is there an epidemic of stupidity spreading through incestuous relationships? Has the Canadian government been running secret tests on some citizens? Is there anything that could even remotely explain these two absolute fannies?
Here’s the thing. The actual stage act lasted less than 10 minutes, and in that, not only did our bingo card get half-filled, but our legal eagle JYS managed to fuck himself so severely that he may now have a genuine reason for the wheelchair. We are really struggling here to describe it. If there were a fuck yourself for dummies guide book JY would have written it.
Mad Mom Miriam & JYS were appearing via Teams. It didn’t start that well because JYS hadn’t muted his microphone, treating us all to a full-screen image of JY (we are seeking counselling) when the foghorn started shrieking like a demented banshee. What was the cause of this rocket-powered, expletive-laden epic spaz? JY seemed slightly upset that a teams observer was named “Rebel News”.
We noted the actual words broadcast to the world and the courtroom. Remember, this is in JY’s ridiculously loud male voice. JY “Rebel News can fucking do one, as far as I am concerned”, JY “Fucking Transphobic bits of shit”, JY “Fucking racists”, JY “Rebel News can go fuck themselves”. When you have finished cleaning yourself up after pissing yourself laughing at JY accusing anyone of being racist, you have to remember this is being recorded in court. The court had to issue a warning and shut off all sound for a while. It is clear that JY is only a hair-trigger away from losing it.
Whilst we are on the subject of things being recorded in court, JY provided us with some excellent news. It seems that he has been miraculously healed of his lifelong profound deafness and was able to act as an interpreter for his mum. Praise the Lord! Glory to Allah! Yes, you read that right – JY, who has filed numerous applications for CART and other disabilities in civil and criminal cases, forgot he was meant to be deaf. All are in the court’s official records. I am sure the courts will be delighted to know this in the forthcoming Kebob & Criminal cases. I sure hope he has a certificate to confirm his miracle healing because courts don’t take kindly to people yanking their chains. See what we mean about him fucking himself?
Not content with getting a roasting for his vulgar language and contemptible court decorum, the Judge had to reprimand him further. JY kept trying to speak over the judge, who then gave JY a warning. He had to tell JY, “This works better when only one of us is talking, Ms Simpson”. We think JYS should apply to sit the Barr exam immediately; he would easily pass, and there would be no hilarity watching him.
If you are still with us and have managed to get your head around this circus act, it will get even weirder now. Miriam Yaniv has been sacked by her lawyer AGAIN. We now know that at least 3 lawyers have sacked her. How the hell do you parody this? Even Ted Bundy wasn’t sacked by his lawyers! Even funnier was JY, who has never won a case complaining about the various lawyers’ conduct. So, as you probably can now guess, the Yanivs have another delay for Miriam to seek a lawyer.
BUT that is not the weirdness over. We still haven’t reached Looneyland city centre. We know you must be thinking, how on earth could this get any weirder? Miriam, who pled GUILTY to the charges, is now pleading NOT GUILTY! Bah-da-boom, Looneyland City Centre!
Just in case you haven’t passed out laughing at this, It has now become clear that JY only has one item of feminine clothing, appearing in his customary black dress that now has seams so stretched it makes Maddona’s facelift look natural. JY has put on a lot of weight and looks as unclean as he always is. If you could smell a picture, this would be the one.
UPDATE – JYS came to play with Meow Mix. It must be a coincidence that a member of the Sikh community represented Mad Ma Dog.
Oh and JY – You know how I like to end on a one-liner? Your mega spaz and subsequent mistakes that are now official court records really weren’t needed. It wasn’t Rebel News – It was a Subway fan!
If you want to hear more about the insane world of Jessica Yaniv a.k.a Jessica Simpson look no further.