It was the night before Christmas and all through the Strata
Not a creature stirring not even a fake service dog
The dildoes were all hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there
The children were all nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Drag Queens danced in their heads
While Mama in her domintrix leathers
And I in my feathers
Had just settled down for a long winters explore the nethers
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my harness to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a TERF
Tore open the blinds & stepped over the hearth
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid day to objects below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature tub filled with local craft beer
With a land whale of a delivery driver, wheezing & sweating
I knew in a moment it must be Jonny Yaniv err Jessica Yaniv err Jessica
Simpson!
More rapid than lawsuits, his posse they came
And he whined and wailed and called them by name
Now Oger! Now Hayden! Now Johnstone! and Levine!
On Brinton! On Lia! On Hubbard! On McKinnon!
To the top of the porch! Upon the stairs & to the door!
Get moving! Stop complaining he roared
As rights litter before a Trans demonstration fly
When they meet with TERF obstacles, they mount up to lie
So up to the front door, they sighed and flew
With a van full of booze samples and Fat Jonny too
And then in a twinkling, I heard at the door
The tapping and pounding of each attention whore
As I came back in and was turning around
Through the window, Jonny squeezed inbound
He was dressed all in polyester from his head to his toes
His track suit was all covered with snot from his nose
A bundle of samples he flung on his back
And he looked like a shoplifter just opening his pack
His eyes — how crooked and dead, his 5 chins so gross
His cheeks like a road map, his nose like a wart (not genital from a dose)
His lipstick encrusted mouth was lascivious and cruel
The beard shadow on his chin was flecked drool
A high tech personal safety device tied to encircle his neck
While the flashing lights kept signalling for a wellness check
He had a huge head and an even fatter belly
That shook when he breathed like a bowl full of jelly
He was fat and greasy, a right old trannie
And I muffled a laugh, he looked so uncanny
A glare from his drooping eye, and a jerk of his head
Soon told me I had much to dread
Lisping a threat he went straight to work while muttering about a catfish
Unloading the bottles, even those he had sampled, then turned with swish
After shoving a finger up his nose
And giving a fart, up the chimney he rose
He sprang to his van, to his team he gave a screech
And away they all tumbled in need of some bleach
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
Lawsuits to all and to all a good night
