Bathing for Dummies: Jessica Serenity Simpson Edition

To most people taking a bath means getting into a bathtub with various bathing accouterments like scented oils, bath bombs, soaps, gels, etc to relax for a bit, soaking the day’s stress and grime away. It is part of a good hygiene regime. Add in a good book, a glass of nice wine, even a scented candle and it can work wonders for one’s state of mind. For others, taking a bath specially after a hard sports work out or game is therapeutic for over stressed limbs and sore muscles.

jessica yaniv simpson — I had to resist captioning this “*how to wash your pussy”* because Jonny would have been too turned on to read any further.

But for Jonathan Yaniv, taking a bath has nothing to do with hygiene & everything to do with being a predator. There have been many questions about whether or not he even knows what soap & shampoo are for since there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of him using them. Reports from people in his strata who have had to share the elevator with him are all about his odour.

We have seen that he takes in phones, many phones & makes calls & videos while sitting amongst the limp bubbles. Even before he started his campaign of tub based naked harassment against the Town of Langley, he was calling minors, filming himself, & posting them all while in the tub. The only difference back then was weight (there was actually space around his body in the tub) & he still had his male genitalia.

So with that in mind, MeowMix has complied a checklist for bathing like Jonathan.

Steps to Bathing Jessica Serenity Simpson

Preprogram your various cell phones with the emergency numbers of
your local emergency services.

Make sure any senior or disabled bathing aides have been removed
from the bathroom (or at least out of the range of the camera).

Make sure there are no towels (or a robe) to cover yourself conveniently nearby.

Get your bubble bath ready to add.

Step into the tub and slowly lower yourself in.

Start running the water and add the bubble bath

When you have enough water to cover you and you are comfortable, turn the water off

Start splashing about to create bubbles. Try not to fart as well. Fart
bubbles are just nasty.

Relax until the water starts to lose heat.

Call the emergency services to come get you out of the tub on one of your phones while you film the call with your second phone.

If they decline, remind them that you pay their salaries. They like that.

Practice your coy look until the emergency services personnel arrive
on scene. Make sure your lips are attractively moist and your eyes are doe like.

Sigh a lot and tell them how grateful you are that such strong good
looking brave civil servants have come to rescue you.

Try to score a few phone numbers from the firefighters and ambulance
EMT’s as they leave.

Don’t lose your temper or make rude comments when they refuse.

Repeat four times daily.

We’re also including this handy dandy instructional video!